Losing for Lost

Losing for Lost

To you my sister 

 

To mute the perversion of love forfeiting to trusted traitors,

To deaden the rending of the breach made

By guardians who had no vindicators,

To be unsaid mediator and silence their quarrels

Into family speaking words made for lasting,

To escape the cruel middle ground of tug’o’war,

You, child, blamed the incurability in shadows haunting the home

And sized up the darkness and charged the ring and

Thought rage would make up the difference.

You think shadows will fear your wrath and shy to double cross

But you’re losing, losing, losing for lost.

And your eyes are still swollen shut from blows of unfair fights.

Shoved into corners, you were jabbed and stabbed and

Hemorrhaging ingested tears behind locked doors from nights

Slept through from under the bed, boxing shadows, gloves up,

Guarding your ears, dodging punches of what sounded like love yesterday

But not dodging enough to duck hits breaking bones,

Clobbering hope in dreams of Father loving Mother finally, of Mother and

Father finding harmony, of Father loving you entirely

While you were rendered sightless, paralyzed, numbing into desensitized

From years of what you could not see there.

You bleed of fears, you bleed of festering, you bleed and refuse

Anyone who comes near, choosing for cost, boxing shadows

That may have past and made room for light but you stubbornly

Hold fast the gloves, throwing blows at love’s approach.

Losing, losing, losing for lost the countless rematches,

Losing, losing for lost the hard-hitting energies of angry fists,

Losing yourself as the fight in self detaches and collapses

From defeat, round one round two round three, pinning you down

The shadows you found haunting what you thought to be home.

Choosing, choosing, choosing for cost to box and flail and fail

The match in grudge against shadows, losing for lost.

© 2014. Asha Gowan. All Rights Reserved.

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Asha Gowan

I am an aspiring poet, novelist, musician, visual artist, and a die hard jazz enthusiast (partial to writing). I did not have a choice in the matter as both of my parents are creative to the core. Van Gogh beautifully painted the artist's portrait with his words: "The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others." I've made that ideal the primary catalyst for my work. Born as one of nature's esthetes, beauty is the goal of every song, every poem, every piece of art. Beauty that will touch the hearts and minds of others. I try to design my art to be healing and empathetic. I study and find intriguing people of all kinds, which informs a lot of my insights. I've drawn inspiration on the art of positivity, of spiritual uplifting from writers like Throeau, John Muir, Ohiyesa (Charles Eastman), the psalmist David, etc. Seeking a unique verve in my style, I make thorough investigations of all sorts of art and challenge myself to the hilt for the growth of my ingenuity. I am eager to share my musings with everyone here and wish to disseminate them. Thank you!